Beloved,
As expected, my article on divorce some weeks back attracted a lot of responses. I also had the oppurtunity of talking with a few who had questions on where to draw the lines in thorny cases.
Like I promised, I post here some of the respones I recieved. And I look forward to more reactions, comments and questions to this important issue. Please just click on comments below to add your comment or questions.
Let me encourage us all once again not to give up too quickly on a vision of a glorious marriage. Let us fight on our knees and by applying God's Word for our marriages and God will make it shine. ~ Chim.
Nike K, from Warri, Nigeria wrote..
Your article is very topical. I want to lend my voice to yours that divorce is not an option for the Christian. A little more patience and much more prayers will help us in our marriages. Selflessness and unconditional love are the keys. We need to be more intimate with God in order to get along better with each other. May the Lord sustain our marriages and homes in Jesus' name.
W. Riad from Kuwait ..
I agree with all you have discussed. I say with Jesus and with you "No divorce".
Chinua O, from Nigera
Personally, I see Christianity, today, as playing the ostrich with the issue of divorce (hiding our heads in the sand). With the recent addition of two popular female TV ministers in the USA to the failed marriage statistics, we can no longer pretend that all is well.
I shocked when I found out that we have the same rate of divorce both among Christians in America and non-Christians!! My question is: What then is the difference that Christ makes in us? What then is the evidence of the Spirit of God dwelling in us? What then is our testimony?
As I was studying the statistics and pondering over the above questions I saw a foot note at the bottom of the statistics spreadsheet that said it all: Among the Christians, for the couples that pray together, the percentage of divorces drops dramatically!
Christians today needs to go beyond just being "Born-again" to being Disciples of the Lord, whose lives can be described as "Have your way Lord".
As long as we are still living for ourselves, we would be missing the mark. (Note: the direct literal translation of the hebrew word for "sin" means "to miss the mark").
The enthronement of SELF in the developed countries (and it is also gradually happening here in Africa) needs to be treated as alarming by all Christians. Else, the scourge will spread to us all.
Owojori G. from University of Stellenbosch, South Africa;
Really enjoyed your piece titled "Till Death do us part". It’s in my opinion, a message that is urgently needed given the rate of divorce in homes in the West which is gradually creeping into our well valued homes in the South (Nigeria inclusive). However, I believe that there are occasions when a divorce may be necessary, in extreme cases though. For example, a wife who has been beaten for the umpteenth time by her husband, and the man is ready to kill her, in as much as she comes back home....A faithful husband who is unlucky to have a strange woman, whose marital ideology, is one wife several bed-mates. Imagine if this woman has HIV, is the husband supposed to remain in such marriage until he contact the HIV and ruin his life, and probably ministry because of an unfaithful wife? These hypothetical cases seldom happen between "believer and believer'' marriages, but some believers do actually marry unbeliever by omission or commission, so what do we say when that happens? Also when Christ said, "in the beginning this was not so", we must also remember that in the beginning, sin had not entered into the heart of man. The man in the beginning was following God, and had regular fellowship with God. Yes I believe, that was the intention of God. May the Lord save our homes.
Charles B from Lagos, Nigeria
You've taken the bull by the horn. This message will surely not be popular in the US and other Western nations. Although I'm afraid even in Africa divorce is becoming an acceptable thing in the Church.
I agree that if we enter into marriage knowing that there is no exit, we will have to "press on" until the solution comes. But when we think there is an option, we so easily look for the easy solution. What has always blessed my heart in this matter is where in Malachi, God says he hates divorce. God hates it. If he hates it, then we should hate it too and love our spouse. Just a comment, wouldn't it have been better to refer to adultery instead of fornication since it will involve someone already married?
Edith B from Nigeria,
Thanks for the mail on marriage. Marriage is honourable and indeed a discipleship school for us. The enemy is fighting homes and many Christians are giving him rooms in their marriages. There's bound to be challenges but divorce is not the way out. Overcoming those challenges is the issue. " ..and having done all to stand" (Eph. 6:13b). Marriage is a serious issue and must not be trivialised or cheapened as we see in the western world. The world can not love and therefore can't show us the true marriage. Christ is the Author and Sustainer of marriage.
Jesus says that you can not divorce except for the sin of fornication. But can a married person commit fornication? No!! He or she can only commit adultery. Fornication applies to the unmarried. So there is no way out or exit like yousaid. We are in and we are in! We must make the bestout of it.
And truly if the Lord has led us to our partner/spouse by his spirit, not that we just "opened our eyes and picked" , as some have been erroneously taught, we are bound to overcome all the challenges.
Well, I have so much to say on marriage though I'm still young in marriage (just 16 years this week), but let me stop for now as the discussion and contributions continue. Bless you my brother for your sensitivity to bring up this topic now.
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6 comments:
I did not read the original article but have browsed some of the responses. The truth is, though divorce is a reality in our time as it was in Jesus' time, God's original purpose for marriage is still the same - that no man puts asunder that which God joins together. He will not lower His standard just because we are having challenges. It is always better in the long run to stay our ground and win than to flee.
Having said this, divorce is certainly not the unpardonable sin. And this is where we get caught. That God can pardon sin does not make sin acceptable. I will be 13 years married to my wife this weekend and in those years, there has been a number of times when divorce seemed to be the only solution. But if we look closely and well enough, there is always a way - God's way - out of the 'temptation' to divorce. God is faithful to provide the way, but will we be humble and selfless enough to take His ordained path for the particular moment? Many have chosen their own way and it has led, and will always lead, to heartache.
My heart goes out to everyone who is under marital pressures at this time, may you find the counsel of God for your situation - the way ordained for you to overcome with a testimony of God's faithfulness.
www.valentinalujan.es
Hi,
Here are some of the responses I got when I first posted this article in 2002. I feel this comments are still relevant.
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Chim'sWRITE
26th March, 2002
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RE: 'Till Death Do Us Part (Comments 1)
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I promised to post reactions to last week's article on divorce. Here are some. Please feel free to send in any contribution to this discussion you may like to make. Chimezie
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From Ken R.Owen KS, USA
Chimezie:
You are so correct.....as was Jesus when he offered this answer. It is very easy today..to just walk away from a marriage bond. We even receive help from our peers and asociates who want to see us in the same boat as they are or were. I believe God blesses those who stick with it and make it work. It requires compromise, humility, discernment, wisdom, persistence, and faith. Are not these characteristics what Jesus would want to see in all those who love the Father? Thanks for all you have done in reminding us of how Jesus saw this situation.
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From Ginger Zemelman KS, USA
It is true that divorce is now widely accepted.; even in last’s month’s Charisma’s magazine was a new group of “prominent (Christian) leaders” who have chosen divorce and a new spouse, rather than finishing the race.
Having been through a divorce at age 22, I can attest to how long it takes to recover from an ugly wound like that. And I didn't know then what I know now about the spiritual bond of marriage. Bitterness and unforgiveness also complicate the rending of the souls.
True, divorce is allowed on the grounds of fornication. Yet even in this awful situation, if the parties are willing to be counseled and recieve healing, God can restore. It is only our sin that prohibits us from hearing God's voice as the situation is worked through. However, if the couple is walking in faith and victory, fornication would not have been an issue in the first place. Personal holiness prohibits divorce!
I agree completely, too many quit too soon."Quitters never win, and winners never quit", to quote an athletic coach. The most common reason given for divorce in the US is "irreconcilable differences".
This is a good word of encouragement. This is a word the Church at large needs to hear with "ears to hear". I pray that whomever reads this will pass it along to many, and that hearts will be convicted and minds changed.
I would be curious as to how many people will face up to the truth. There are many things I have had to work through, forgive, ask forgiveness for, and allow healing to come into this. This could be a good, concise piece for small group leaders to use to bring up the issue for discussion.
Thank you for being obedient to the Lord!
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From Kenneth Linden Jnr , WA, USA
Chim,
The issue of 'hard heart' is a description of 'unforgiveness'. Check out the other references of 'a heart of stone'. Contrast that with the references to 'a heart of flesh' (not to be confused with 'carnality' or 'flesh nature').
Hmmmmmmm, 'differences that we cannot (*will not*) reconcile'. What would happen if God used that line on us?
Shalom
Ken
P.S. The other 'untouchable' subject is 'remarriage' - after 'divorce'. But then, you've already shown - lovers of self and not of God.
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From Mariam Johnson, USA
Dear Brother,
The only reason for divorce is fornication. This is the key. In bible days, during what we call the engagement period, the couple was considered married even though they did not consummate the marriage. If during this time a flaw of fornication was found, then the divorce was given. Joseph could have divorced Mary when he found her with child. By the way, fornication includes more than infidelity before marriage. It includes sodomy, child molestation, homosexuality, lasciviousness, uncleanness, prostitution, pornography, rape, etc. God does not want the seed of this kind of behavior to be passed on as it reaps brokeness, bondage, curses and devistaion.
When I was young with two children I found myself as a divorcée. I lived in condemnation for a long time. I wouldn't do anything in the church because of it. Then one day God spanked me and said, "What? Who do you think you are? If I tell you to do something for me why do you think that you can say NO, when I have already forgiven you? Needless to say I accepted the forgiveness, forgave myself and went on with my life to raise my two children and many, foster children and do missionary work with my native people. My children are in service for the Lord and building a church. God does forgive-----but, I did have to reap the repercussions of that divorce, even though it was not my fault or idea. God is not mocked, we will reap what we have sown.
Keep up the good work. This issue is touchy but must be addressed as it is close to the Father's heart. Thank you for hearing His heart.
Austin Awulonu
Lagos, Nigeria sent in this...
Just to remind all that the way of man and his wife is
a mystery of life. That mystery is the sustenance of
the family. The sustenance of the family is the
survival of society. To shape society therefore shape
the couple. Any wonder that that is how He started it
in the beginning? To destroy the society (and the
race) also, destroy the couple.
Marriage for me is willful life 'imprisonmnet'.
Divorce is not an option. Hard and unfeeling as it may
sound, that you wind up with a battering partner, or
sick partner (HIV/AIDS or whatever sickness) is no
justification for divorce. We are responsible for the
choices we make.
The truth to tell is that at the root of everything is
our walk with God. Our trust, faith and confidence in
Him. Our heart for Him. Do we love Him enough to obey
Him come what may? Friends, if we hold on to the
fundamentals of scripture i.e. "prefer one another in
love", "love covers a multitude of sin", "bear one
another's burden", "forgive one another" etc. our
marriages will flourish. We will surmount whatever
challenges we come up against as a couple. I do not in
any way suggest it is easy but come to think of it,
what good thing ever comes easy? Let's fight for our
marriages. The devil is the one to beat a retreat not
you.
Florence Campbell in the USA wrote...
Dear Chimezie,
Your article is a vital message which is much needed in the world today among all cultures. This was the church standard where I grew up, but not many churches hold to this standard today even among so-called "holiness churches," which is a terrible shame on people who call themselves Christians, especially those who have had scriptural light on this issue. Please continue to hold to this standard.
Whenever divorce is considered as an easy way out of a marriage, it is the children who suffer most. No matter how one tries to shield them from the pain of living in a divided home, children cannot escape the questions which confront them. "What did I do to make this happen in my home? Was I bad so that Daddy had to leave us? If I'm really a good girl, will my mommie come home again?" Far too often these questions lie buried for years as the child struggles to make sense of the pain he feels from the divided attention he receives from his parents or from the fact that he no longer hears from one parent whom he once loved and adored.
Could you address the needs and effects of divorce on children in another issue? It seems that this is something else which must be considered when parents want to break up a family. Children need two parents to make a stable environment in a home. As someone else mentioned, this would not be possible if terrible abuse were present and the family's safety were at risk. However, in all other scenarios the interests of the children should be factored in to the parents' decisions of whether or not to continue in a marriage relationship.
Scripturally divorce is not an option. Perhaps some guidance could be given on how some difficult issues in marriages could be resolved without considering a divorce.
Sincerely,
Florence Campbell
Adedeji, M in Bauchi ( Nigeria)wrote...
Beloved,
Thanks a lot for sending this message to me.
I believed very strongly in my heart that "God hates divorce!" and any of His own who wishes to make heaven should hate whatever He hates!
God is eternal and will never change! So the earlier we agree and fall in line with His eternal council, purpose and plan the, better and happier we shall be. Marriage was/is God's own idea, He is both the Originator and Manufacturer! Any one who will not follow the "Manufacturer manual-the Holy Bible" will definitely miss-use, missmanage and missapproprate the provision He has made for us to "enjoy" and to "endure".
By His grace, my wife and my humbleself, we've been in this "business" for more than 12 years now and we are grateful to Him the "Perfect Merger!" Not that there are no challenges but with God on our side He turns every challenge into a "stepping stone" to know each other much better!
God's speed! brother. keep fit @ His feet!
You brother,
Adedeji, M in Bauchi ( Nigeria)
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